8th of June, 2022

On being fulfilled

I’ve been miserable for the most part of my life. Until my late adolescence, I didn’t have any goal in front of me. I struggle. Like, a lot. My development as a human being was non-existent, as I could not find a single reason to put any effort. Taking tiny steps everyday in order to progress is something I implemented in my mid 20s - and even then, I had my doubts if it will change anything.

Nowadays, I’m really grateful for my past self, that he didn’t stop going forward. Looking back, I’m starting to understand how my hard work opened so many doors, which I thought they are going to stay closed forever. I’m still learning something new about me everyday. It helps me to value myself higher, as impostor syndrome has been haunting me throughout my entire journey called life. Taking time to sit down and understand your behaviours allowed me to find my strengths and weaknesses. Finally, I started to value my time and got rid of the lion’s share of distractions.

When I look around, I see a society full of people living in a digital prison. Obviously I’m still one of them - it’s really hard to drop addiction of instant gratification. But there’s more and more days, during which I completely avoid lurking my favourite websites. It’s something I am proud of, taking into account the fact that a few years ago I was able to close desktop version of Reddit only to open it unconsciously on the phone a moment later. Addiction is a bitch. If I have to put so much effort to overcome my bad habits, I’m pretty sure some psychiatrist is going to get disgustingly rich in the future, thanks to the kids who breathe digital from the birth.

Either way, I think it’s less and less a problem of mine. Personal growth is something I focus on exclusively right now. Coding, designing, writing, making music - you name it. Apart of that, I spent plenty of time just improving my mind and body. I can’t imagine my life without everyday meditation. My biking trips to the forest are uncancellable. I never skip a workout day. My week feels empty without a basketball or soccer match with my friends. My routine transitioned from something I had to do, to something I want to. I’m still not in a place where I wish to be, as there are few aspects I have to work on - but overall I feel fulfilled and completed. Doing anything creative brings me much more joy, than some memes that are going to be irrelevant in next few years. It definitely helps with tackling distraction obstacles.

To sum up, I just wanted to say that I’m grateful. I’m grateful for plenty of things, but today I’m grateful just for being me. I went through a lot, and I’m really proud of who I have become. I put so much work in myself, and can’t wait to see how I will develop as a person in a near future. I hope to read this article someday with a smirk on my face. And I’ll have only one thing to say - “You would never guess, kiddo”.

Quick fun fact - I’m a very organised person, and everything needs an appointment in my todo list a week earlier, but whenever I’m writing something, I do it spontaneously. Straight from my heart, I would say. I love writing, and I love to watch my craft improve with each new article. Have a great day, my dear reader!