28th of March, 2022

What if my life had a deadline

Whenever I want to unwind, I like to sit quietly and stare at anything that’s in front of me at the time. Depending on how I feel, my next step is either to shut all my thoughts while focusing on my breath, or to do something completely opposite - I start to ask myself uncomfortable questions with the hope that I will learn something interesting about myself.

I’m a type of person that is constantly overthinking. A, or B? Should I buy this, or that? Which service is better? Do I really need that? How to prioritize my hobbies? If I don’t have any obvious deadline, I love to postpone things until forever. It took me like 3 years to buy a new bike and I did it only because front wheel broke twice during one week! Obviously there are plenty of benefits that comes with this kind of thinking. I rarely buy something that I don’t need and my decisions are usually backed up by solid mental models that I’ve learned and modified along the way.

And there’s this one question that I love to skip whenever it pop ups in my head. If I had only one year left to live, what would I do with myself? I don’t really have any obvious answer, and I never really took the time to think about it. First thing that comes to my mind is that I would love to see the world. Or maybe spend more time with people that are important to me. Why not both? I have plenty of friends that would be ready to follow me on my last journey. But is it really something that I need? I already travel a lot with my gang and I’m not sure if life threatening circumstances change anything.

Faced with a vision of death I think that I would love to leave some kind of a mark on the world. Obviously not by giving something to the entire civilization, I’m too modest with my words and actions for this kind of commitment. What I mean is that I want to change someone's world for the better. My target would be to teach people about mindfulness and patience. How to confront your problems and tackle obstacles. I would explain how to be grateful, and share my wisdom on letting go. Hell, maybe I would even write a book? I’m pretty sure that incurable patient who is also an author could reach a quite wide audience.

I would also like to spend a lot of time talking to every person that was or still is important in my life. I’m really grateful for every single of my best friends, partners and friends that I didn’t get to know enough. My love to people around me is unmeasurable - I could describe everyone in such an uplifting way that it’s quite overwhelming for me to even think about that.

To sum up, for me, love is everything. My dream is to share this approach with everyone. I want to see a world with people full of empathy, who can easily put themselves in the place of another person. I’m not brave enough to make any visible action in this direction. But I have this small cute blog where I can share my thoughts and at this moment that’s enough. As long as my people are happy, I don’t need to change anything. I think that my time is yet to come and until then I’ll stay humble and appreciate everything I have.